day- 277 "Hey Tua Bangka!"

I would say that the departure of my former boss (to another office) taught us a valuable lesson. Appreciate what you have because you never know when that blessing will be taken away by God.

My new boss is an older man, nearing retirement age. He recently recovered from a stroke and insists on working, even though he's no longer fit for the job. Before he arrived, we were warned about his condition, so we were forced to be patient and accept it.

When we first met him, we all felt sorry for him. Sorry because of many things—he’s old but still working, recovering from a stroke, and, well, he's old. But over time, we understood why this old man (we started calling him "TB," short for "Tua Bangka," meaning old geezer) doesn’t deserve any respect at all.

TB has an inflated sense of his ability to work, but the reality is not on his side. He struggles just to walk straight. There are many shortcomings in TB that make him someone to avoid—let me list them: he can't drive himself, he's stingy, perverted, clueless, delusional, forgetful, petty, stupid, smelly, and dresses like someone who's lost it.

We all know something's off with him—his sanity. But TB is completely oblivious and acts as if he can still work and earn a salary that doesn't match his contributions, which is nothing.

At first, everyone sympathized with him, seeing him like their father or grandfather, thinking, "How could you be so harsh to an old man?" Who cares! If it were my own family, I might still be understanding, but for someone else? A stingy, petty old geezer like him? Big no. Now, everyone is starting to agree that TB belongs on the list of cursed people.

Strangely, despite his miserable condition, none of TB’s family comes to visit or take care of him. He’s all alone here, living in a rented house—whether he even pays for it, I don’t know. But one thing is clear: no one wants to deal with TB anymore because he’s so stingy.

What’s more disgusting is that, despite his age, TB still has a certain "need." His desire for worldly pleasures and sexual urges is still there, and he satisfies it by watching explicit films on the office computer. Isn’t that just absurd? Eventually, since he couldn't be reasoned with, my big boss decided to replace his computer with a laptop that doesn’t connect to the office internet. It’s like giving a kid a toy for entertainment.

Don’t ask, “So, how does he work?”

Of course, he doesn’t. He can't work. We handle all his job logins. If there’s a letter that needs to be sent, we send it ourselves. Honestly, we’re like sheep without a shepherd.

I have zero respect left for TB. I don’t care about anything he does. If he makes small talk and stands around in the back office for hours, disrupting others, I just ignore him. TB often even calls people by the wrong name. Some people still care, but I, quite bluntly, don’t.

Right now, we’re in the process of sending TB to the hospital. Whether he likes it or not, TB needs to get a medical certificate and submit it to HR. That needs to be processed so that HQ knows one of its employees is no longer fit for work. The problem is, we’re a service office, with our main focus being stakeholder service. It’s impossible for us to stick with a boss who’s already incapacitated.

At the very least, if you can’t do the job, have some self-awareness. Your body and mind are not capable of leading, but he refuses to step down. So what now? You want to collect a paycheck for doing nothing for years?

To me, TB isn’t my boss; he’s just an old man hanging around the office. Whether he’s here or not, the world stays the same.

Bye~

tentukan pilihanmu

But this isn’t about Richeese.

This is about you. Idiot.

I think the most exhausting thing is dealing with someone indecisive—someone who doubts their own choices, can’t even decide what they want, and has to ask others for everything, relying on them. The worst part is when someone suggests a choice, they reject it: “I’m not in the mood for fried food.” Ugh, idiot.

I never imagined I'd encounter something like this in front of me. Maybe it’s because I was raised in a strict environment—more specifically, my mom was strict. I wasn’t given the chance to be spoiled, indecisive, or take forever to make a decision. Everything had to be done quickly. Negotiations were allowed, but they had to be quick too. I was taught to make my own decisions.

At first, I was forced into things, but eventually, I learned to say ‘no’ or ‘I don’t want to’ to the decisions my mom made, especially those directly involving me. I started to realize that not everything my parents suggested felt right for me. Not everything my mom gave me was easy to accept. I demanded explanations, and when those explanations didn’t make sense to me, I had no choice but to reject them. I’m sorry, Mom, but now I have my own voice. Even if it made me rebellious at the time.

Sometimes they accepted it, sometimes they got angry. But more often, they accepted it, though there was anger at first. I wasn’t afraid. As my mom used to say, “I was always terrified when your grandma got angry or raised her voice. I wouldn’t dare talk back or respond like you do.” Sorry again, Mom.

In my opinion, it’s no longer relevant for children to fear their parents. I don’t want my future children (if I have any) to be afraid of me. I’d rather they respect me. Speak politely, be brave enough to express their feelings, share their opinions, listen to and follow advice, and love their parents. You don’t need to raise your voice to earn respect from your kids. Loosen up, Mom and Dad.

Not every child has the foundation to make their own decisions, but it can be trained. Everyone can do it, as Yura says. The only thing you can’t do is hug the sun. So start by learning to make decisions, starting with something small, like deciding what to eat for lunch today.

After Effect Menonton Film "Tuhan Izinkan Aku Berdosa"

I feel like I need to write about him before I lose the euphoria of this feeling. Yeah, I’ll start this story with an Instagram live video from Samo's account last night. Normally, I’m not the one who like to watch live videos, but since it was Samo, who I had just seen on the big screen a few days ago, I decided to join.

Like any other social media influencer, Samo greeted his followers on Instagram. He was bored, smoking on a rooftop, and enjoying the Jakarta breeze. When he greeted us, my fingers itched to say something. Something trivial, but something I really wanted to tell him.

“Ditunggu film-film selanjutnya kak,” I wrote.

dear Rajj

I've never wondered as much as I do now. I have a friend who is no longer in this town. He moved to the capital, got married, and probably has a lovely household with his wife. Unfortunately, it seems I can only speculate about what actually happened to him.

Let's call this person Rajj.

Rajj was one of my batchmates who came to this island together and spent a few months living side by side as newcomers. I always thought Rajj was a good person. He had good manners and a pleasant demeanor, never annoying. At least, that's how I saw him until today.

day-125

I'm at a loss for words to describe the whirlwind of events that have transpired this month, especially since my return from holiday. On my first day back at work, I completely forgot to clock in, probably because my body was still adjusting back to the work routine.

To add to my woes, my colleague hadn't returned from his hometown yet, leaving me to handle a full day's workload without a partner. It was exhausting to say the least. And then, out of the blue, “this person” sent a photo of CCTV footage to the group chat with the caption, "Don't let the loket be empty." Dude, I was still on my break. It wasn't my turn to man the loket.

mungkin ini karma

I have never felt so dumb and ridiculous when I met with this person. I used to be indifferent and unconcerned about others' feelings, and now I feel so 'discarded' as a human being. 

Is this karma? 

day-70

My friend called me An evil. And I admit that I was indeed born and formed to be evil. Although I try my best to show the good side of me and not violate the norms, if I follow my heart that always wants to do evil. I am evil and I admit it.

day-65

oh boy, it's been a while since I shared a story about my workplace drama. I was just waiting for my boss to stir up trouble again, and oh God, did the universe answer my prayers swiftly. 😑

I absolutely hate receiving instructions in a piecemeal fashion. It's so disorganized and inefficient, leading to lengthy delays and multiple rounds of revisions. If he would just give clear, complete, and sequential instructions, the revision process wouldn't have to be so tedious. It could be done in just one or two rounds, and the task would be completed.

But this crazy person, I don't even know if he's stupid or what, always comes out of nowhere with new tasks or assignments. He skips the pleasantries and dives straight into the topic or second stage without explaining the first. I have to stop and figure out what he's actually trying to say. Does he think I can read his minds?

When I told my friend about it, she said that's just how he behave. 🤮

Seriously? Every task has to be like this? Has he never received leadership training or learned how to communicate with his subordinates? Does he not know how to give instructions?

I'm so exhausted.

Ilustrasi bagaimana aku terdiam sebelum menanggapi pesan dari beliau

I've had to deal with annoying bosses so many times in my career. I try not to take him personally. I try to think of him like a fart. But his constant presence is still disruptive.

Thank you, God, for giving me a job so that I can support myself and feed my cats. But most importantly, please keep me away from crazy and brainless boss.

Aamiin. 🌟🌟🌟

good bye grandma

05 March 2024

This morning, my grandma passed away.

I don't know how to react, considering this is something I've wished for. I mean, look at my post a few weeks ago when I talked about the core of the problem in my family. And now that "problem" is gone, gone forever.

This morning, my grandma passed away.

I read the message in the WhatsApp group that my mom sent. The message announced the news of her passing and was quite long, complete with the time of death and funeral arrangements. After that, I immediately called my mom. I knew she must be busy handling everything.

My mom answered the phone and thanked me for calling. I didn't know what to say, so I just said, "Innalillahi wa Innailahi Rojiun." Then she said, "Pray for your grandmother so that her grave will be spacious and her sins will be forgiven. You don't have to come, you'll be home for Eid anyway." After that, I hung up the phone and fell silent.

This morning, my grandma passed away.

This is the first death in my family. So maybe I have lack of experience in all sorts of things. What should I do, how should I react, and I don't even feel heartbroken. Not yet. Maybe because I'm far away and didn't see the situation at home directly. As the eldest child, I have to be prepared, because someday this will happen and I will be the one who is relied on.

This morning, my grandma passed away.

My grandma lived in this world for eighty-three years. She experienced the aftermath of Indonesian independence, the riots of 1998, and other historical events in this country. My grandma experienced the leadership of all seven presidents who have served in this country. She had the bitterness and sweetness of life and now she leaves the world peacefully.

This morning, my grandma passed away peacefully. She leaves us who loved her dearly. We have all accepted her passing with ikhlas. May her soul journey peacefully to meet God and may all her affairs be made easy. Aamiin.

I’m confused. I’m not sad, but my eyes hurt so bad. 

day-61

(Gambar hanya ilustrasi)

After waking up for solat subuh and going back to sleep for a few minutes, I had a dream. It was a rather scary dream that gave me goosebumps. In my dream, I was alone at Rumah Sawi. I don't know where Facu and Tataw, but they clearly left me with the cats.

At 5:30 AM, I woke up and went to the bathroom. The layout of the bathroom and kitchen in the dream was slightly different from the actual layout, but I ignored it. I went to the bathroom and saw someone lying sprawled in blood. I panicked and immediately remembered the serial killer who liked to occupy empty houses. I was afraid if he was still in the house, and clearly he was still there.

day-60: dear mom

All mothers are the same. They have strong instincts and intuitions about their kid. But I often ask myself in silence, does my mother care about me? Can she accept my peculiar mindset? Why isn't she open-minded like others? Why is she still so old-fashioned and conservative? How long do I have to keep my feelings hidden from my own mother?

#mythought Nick's Podcast on Zach Sang Show

One of my dream is to travel and explore the world. I'm particularly drawn to places that I find fascinating, and I honestly dream of visiting Hawaii, Los Angeles, or even Iceland. I'm tired of living in Indonesia and I crave experiencing different cultures. However, I'm also afraid of being in new places, I don't particularly like strange things, and I have a fear of being kidnapped. 😁

I aspire to have a courageous spirit and a progressive mindset. I don't know if it's too late or not, but I (honestly) yearn to possess these qualities. One of the people I admire is Nick Sturniolo. I recently listened to his podcast on the Zack Sang Show. While there are many inspiring podcasts out there, the most recent one I listened to was Nick Sturniolo's.

Have you ever listened to a podcast so intently that you felt like you were attending a seminar? That's what happened to me. I was so engrossed in the podcast. Like many podcasts, they talked about a variety of topics, but the topics on the Zach Sang Show usually focus on the guest. It's more like an interview.

day-51

Last night, Tata, Facu, and I had dinner at Rajawali's Kedai. We planned to just eat and go back home, but I knew that was impossible because we would definitely end up chatting. Somehow, our conversation that night drifted to our school days. Then, suddenly, I remembered my embarrassing experience in high school.

When I said that high school was a dark time for me, I wasn't lying. Let me tell you. And it's so ridiculous that make me wanna throw up.

In high school, I was a loner. I had trouble socializing and making friends with new people. I considered everyone to be strangers and disgusting, but I actually needed friends. By the third week of the year, when people were already starting to study and do assignments, I was still trying to figure out my identity and the ease of this school.

If I said I was a little ‘mentally disturbed’ in high school phase, I wouldn't be lying. There was a time when I went to school wearing a bandage over my eye, wrapping my hand in cloth, and making fake blood out of ink and condensed milk just to get attention from people. I don't want to go into details, but my sister remembers it too.

Now we laugh, but when I remember that episode of my life, I can only smile bitterly and feel ashamed of myself. Why did I do that? It's ridiculous. Did people know that I was just looking for attention? Did they know that I was pretending? Did anyone have a stupid train of thought like me?

Then we agreed that I was probably possessed by a demon or in a concerning state at that time.

Thank God I'm (slightly) normal now and not doing crazy shit again.

Sturniolo Triplets 6M !

My days have become exciting because of something I look forward to every day: new content from Nick, Matt, and Chris on the Sturniolo Triplets YouTube channel. I feel incredibly happy even though I'm just watching them from my gadget screen. 😲

I've been a part of the Sturniolo Triplets family since late November 2023, and today I witnessed them reach 6 million subscribers 😉. I'm proud to be one of them. Honestly, I'm so excited for them.

perkembangan dari tahun ke tahun

Even though I joined the fandom a while ago, I'm not really interested in interacting with other Sturniolo Family members. I prefer to stand on my own and be independent in watching their content. After all, no matter where you go or what fandom you follow, there will always be drama. I'm tired of drama, and I watch the Sturniolo Triplets for entertainment only. Fandom? Not really my thing.

Besides watching their content, I also comment on fan accounts on Twitter and Instagram. There are more fans on TikTok, but I’m not that active on TikTok. I don't really like the app. I can count the number of times I've been on TikTok, maybe once a week to scroll through my FYP.

dreaming: WAR

Tonight, I dreamed that I was in a war. I don't know if it's a war between who and who, but what's clear is that I'm one of the members. The setting of my dream is in the 1950s. I became a scholar or woman who was clever in war. Not someone who fights on the battlefield, but only helps with speeches and educational assistance to the community.

At that time, me and several people were ordered to evacuate immediately because the enemy was at the forefront of our gate protection. I was ordered by the Commander to carry items and save as many files as possible, selected from files that were considered very important.

day-47

Guess what, I think my boss knew that I hate him. And think I don’t care! 😒

Everyone is free to express themselves and voice their thoughts rather than going crazy and showing up at his desk with a knife. Maybe I hate the person, but that does not make me unprofessional. I will continue to perform my duties well and responsibly. I'm paid to work, so I won't do it half-heartedly.

But sometimes I wonder what makes people know and realize that I don't like them. Is my facial expression too obvious? Do I look disgusted when talking to them? 😈

day-45

Ugh, finally, I've become a voter. It took until H-5 to sort out the moving process before I could vote near my place. I distinctly remember how, at the beginning of the year, I was so fed up that I almost decided to golput (abstain), but eventually, I use my right to vote. Five years ago, I also cast my vote in this city, but only for the president. And this time around, it was the same; I voted solely for the president. ✋

I arrived at the TPS around 11:30, well past the scheduled time for moving voters, so naturally, I thought it wouldn't be crowded. But to my surprise, it was quite the opposite. I only managed to cast my vote at 13:00 and had to wait for about an hour and a half, witnessing the foolishness of the people around me.

day-43

I hate fat people. For me, being fat is the easiest way to torture yourself. Ironically, I'm also overweight, obese actually 😐. And in my opinion, obesity is a disease that needs to be addressed immediately because starting with obesity, other diseases will follow you, including chronic diseases that cause death. It can be concluded that obesity can kill you.

Why am I suddenly talking about this? Because yesterday I just got a client who was obese. I even worried whether the client's chair would fit or not. As I was working on my task and he sat waiting in front of me, I heard a breath that sounded like air being blown through a pipe. I was startled and tried to find the source of the sound, only to be shocked by him struggling to breathe.

day-41: throw back

I don't know why I'm writing this; perhaps this syid will only remain a draft or will never be posted. But, for some reason, people might read it. This isn't some top-secret or taboo stuff that shouldn't be seen by others, but I also want to share with the world. I know this writing isn't that important; people can ignore it just like how you ignore me in daily life.

Misfortune and bad luck can happen to anyone – to me, to you, or to our loved ones. It's a shame if such misfortune befalls a friend or a loved one; we surely feel hurt and sad. I've spent the past few days with a mind that won't stop thinking. My body is exhausted, but my mind refuses to be still. Uninvited voices and opinions keep emerging in my subconscious and manage to enter my dreams. Even the Sturniolo Triplets couldn't make it into my dream world, bro. Huh.

I'm trying to stop the madness that has been happening these past few days. I distract myself with activities I find enjoyable and shift conversations to more pleasant topics. I am a thinker and not easily forget an event. Moments of joy or sadness, everything is vividly etched in my mind. That's why sometimes I fear losing those memories and write them down in a book, or struggle to forget the bad things. What a problematic person I am.

I won't tell the details because I don't have the right to do so. I'll only express my feelings, what I'm experiencing right now. It's all mixed up. My mind says this, but my heart keeps denying it, as if this is a struggle of the soul unsure of who will win – anjay.

But if I were in her position, I'm a hundred percent sure I wouldn't be able to sleep, wouldn't have an appetite, and wouldn't be focused at work. Forget that I am an employee who has a 9-5 job, goes to the office, and serves everyone. Working like that is already exhausting, let alone adding problems that should never have existed in the first place. I would be 100% burnt out, take a leave, avoid meeting people, and maybe I don't know... worst case scenario.

I'm confident that we are all strong and can face all of this, even if it means shedding tears first. Perhaps others think I'm okay, 'Hey, why are you so normal? Aren't you worried?' I'M PANICKING, MOTHERFUCKER, BUT STILL CALM BECAUSE DEEP DOWN, I BELIEVE EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE, AKA ALL IS WELL. But I'm not.

I don't know how many pages I've written to Bill, but one thing is clear – if Bill really reads it, he must have already sighed, sought forgiveness, or resigned from being my imaginary friend. Well, he said he's resigning.

There's no perfect crime.

 

day-40: STURNIOLO TRIPLETS X SAM AND COLBY

I just found out that there are YouTubers abroad who create paranormal content in haunted places. One of them is Sam & Colby. Apparently, they are pioneers of YouTube who have been around since the beginning and are still going strong. To be honest, I haven't watched their videos yet. But when people were talking about their collaboration with Sturniolo Triplets, I got curious.

I finally decided to watch a few of their videos, especially the ones where they explore haunted places. It was actually quite entertaining. You can tell that they are really into the paranormal world. I would love to suggest that they visit Lawang Sewu in Semarang. HAHA.

Yesterday, Sturniolo Triplets were the guest stars in their video. I was surprised that the video was so long, over an hour. It was like watching a documentary. But hey, I wouldn't get bored watching it if it had Nick, Matt, and Chris in it.

At first I thought Nick would be the most scared, but it turned out to be Chris. He didn't talk much throughout the video, unlike when he makes content with his brothers. Matt was the bravest. He dared to go down the elevator alone and asked the ghost a lot of questions. Relevant questions about ghosts.

People on Twitter were saying that it's understandable why Samantha (the ghost's name) seemed to like Matt. Maybe all the ghosts there are Matt Girls. The Rizz effect, I guess!

It was really fun to see Nick, Matt, and Chris in another YouTuber's video. I could see how they joke around, talk to each other, and interact with other people. The most impressive thing was Matt. I thought he was quiet and introvert, but he talked a lot, was brave, and acted really cool.

If I were one of the ghosts, I would follow them around the hotel all the time. What I'm worried about is if some ghosts follow Nick, Matt, and Chris to their home. In Indonesia, that's called 'ketempelan'. They say you need to be exorcised or take a flower bath. Hmm, I don't know about that.

Anyway, they seemed more modern and 'knowledgeable' than ghost hunters in Indonesia. They use sophisticated equipment to find and communicate with ghosts. The ghosts also "look" elegant and classic, with their own stories. Maybe it's different from ghosts in Indonesia who are scary and can be ordered around. I don't know about that either.

Overall, I really enjoyed watching the video. I hope there will be more collaborations like this in the future.

Bye!

day-39

I am lucky enough to be able to easily access the internet these days. I use my home Wi-Fi to surf the internet, entertainment, news, and the latest trends in the touch of a finger. Imagine if I had to go to an internet café in 2015 to get all that. 

My family wasn't the kind of people who needed the internet. We were just a simple family who followed the flow of society and didn't care about life outside of that. For my parents, social life and direct human interaction were the most important things. They hated it when they saw me listening to music on my MP3 player, watching K-pop videos on my laptop, or even spending time reading novels. They thought it was a waste of time and useless. At least that's what I thought.

day-38

Have I ever told you about my work anxiety? What made me uncomfortable and turned me into a less-than-ideal employee, often late and unmotivated? Thankfully, after tracing back and finding the root of the problem, I managed to overcome it. I finally moved and found a much better atmosphere.

It's true that I basically needed a fresh start. When I think back about how people were treated there, especially the HR staff who acted however they wanted, I get angry and upset all over again. Even though it happened a long time ago. Those annoying people have now moved on and been replaced by new people.

But I will carry this grudge to my grave. I will remember this feeling of hatred until I am old. Those people will never get a good impression from me again. They are the same and always will be.

I'm not surprised if any of my friends are their favorites. They are people pleasers, sycophants, and sweet on the outside. I can't be like that. I can't pretend to be sweet in front of you, willing to spend my time and energy catering to those ridiculous requests. I am who I am, and I can't be controlled or put on a leash.

I don't know. She once said, "If you don't like working here, you might as well do what you're passionate about." Another subtle sentence that indirectly tells me to quit this job rather than be considered incompetent.

They didn't care about my arguments. They didn't care about the mental illness symptoms I was experiencing. Oh, of course they wouldn't care, just wait until they get the news "An employee commits suicide due to work pressure." Only then will they move and stand at the forefront as people who feel responsible. If they are willing to take responsibility.

And I think that episode might happen again in this office, and I'm not going to let that happen. I will be myself with my principles. I will obey the rules, and I will reject the unreasonable attitudes that may be given unwritten in this place. I will fight back. I will do what I think is right.

Again, as long as it doesn't hurt others.

Aren't you tired of being people pleasers? Is that the only way you achieve your career goals? Well, I want to have a career with elegance. I want to achieve my goals my own way. Besides, I'm not a career-oriented person. As long as the job is halal, fits the description, and doesn't hurt myself, I'll take it.

Walking leisurely on the grass is a pleasant thing.

Bye.

day-37

Whoever invented those CAPTCHA codes on every work page deserves a special place in hell. Honestly, they're the bane of my existence. Why? Because I'm slightly dyslexic. So, I have to stare at these distorted letters and numbers, type them in, and all to prove I'm not a robot. What? The system that created CAPTCHAs is the real robot!

Two days ago, Nick created a Google survey on the Cut The Camera Podcast account to find topics. It's this page where you can write whatever's on your mind and they'll give you advice or feedback.

As a good participant, I decided to share my feelings at that moment.

Can you guess what I wrote about?

I poured my heart out about being a 26-year-old woman with a lot on my plate. To be honest, I was a bit embarrassed writing it because they're all younger than me. I felt ashamed that they might (if they read it) find out about my anxieties, which they probably can't relate to. Am I overthinking it? I don't know.

I was worried they'd laugh at my story because at their age of 20, they shouldn't be worrying about the same things as me. If I were them at 20, I would've known exactly what they were going through. Was I wrong to confide in people younger than me?

Anyway, I couldn't relax, especially knowing it was Monday. The day they upload their podcast. Thankfully, the topic that day was astrology, not what was discussed in the Google survey.

I'm just overthinking it.

bye

day-35: Happy Birthday My Friend

Yesterday marked the birthday of my dear friend, Tata. We've been friends for almost six years now. Our paths first crossed when we were assigned to work on this island, where we both embarked on our careers at the same office. We then became roommates, and now, fate has brought us back together in the same office and division. Even more coincidentally, we both from Yogyakarta, which might be one of the reasons we get along so well.

But perhaps that's not the defining factor of our friendship. It's not as if our friendship is always harmonious and devoid of conflict. We have our moments of boredom, dislike, and even anger. It would be a lie to say that our friendship is 100% peaceful.

day-33

HUFF.

I've never felt so frustrated and annoyed with someone like this before. I can't wrap my head around how he thinks and makes decisions. His primary job is supposed to be making decisions.

What’s most irritating is when he asks me, " What do you guys do all day?" As someone who's almost going crazy every day dealing with clients and other tasks, I don't appreciate questions like that. 

Doesn't sending files every evening or providing a register list mean anything to him as work? Does he just ignore it? Does he even bother to read and understand what I've been working on before signing?

He might as well ask, "WHAT IS YOUR JOB?" 

day-31

I'm currently in a phase where I feel like snapping at people while I'm at work. Even though I consider myself a patient person, there are moments when things just out of control and I might explode at any time. This is especially true when dealing with individuals who are just impossible to comprehend. Working at the front desk means I have to face people needing assistance for hours on end, so I've got to keep my emotions in check to stay composed and avoid losing my temper.

It's particularly challenging when I come across someone who's as stubborn as a rock and seemingly impervious to explanations. No matter how patient I try to be, they just keep asking questions without grasping what I'm trying to convey. There are times when I wish I could let out my frustration, maybe even jab a pen at them and say, "Feel that, mutherfucker!"

But of course, I can't do that. I would end up in jail (or, at the very least, become the latest internet sensation). My dignity needs to be preserved, even though it's tough as nails to do so. I don't know, maybe it's just one of those days. Perhaps it's the time of my period, and my emotions and thoughts are running wild. At least, I can still manage to work and maintain some livelihood of my life.

Even as I'm writing this, my thoughts are a bit jumbled, and I can't seem to find the right words. Long story short, I'm stressed out and desperately in need of a solid 12-hour sleep.

Bye!

day-29

Do you know that in life we need to have priorities? In my opinion, people who don't have priorities in their lives, they are messed up. Whether it's in work, socializing, doing household chores, having a family, and so on, we need what's called priorities. It can be an object or a subject.

The question is, have you ever been a priority in someone's life? 

I always do things with a priority scale. How important is that thing? Or if both are equally important, which one comes first? From these two things, I can determine priorities in my life.

When I know that I am made a priority by someone else, I will greatly appreciate it. I will try my best not to mess up and disappoint that person. But if I already know that I am not a priority, then I will also don’t give a fucek. I'm leaving. It's as simple as that.

day-26

Now I will tell you about the pros and cons of having a female boss. I have felt being under the power of a woman who feels superior to others. Or someone who just wants to save herself.

Woman support woman is bullshit.

At first I was happy because when I had a female boss, I would be more free to express my thoughts and opinions. Rather than if I had to communicate with a man, of course. But in reality, this boss is more complicated and full of drama. I don't distinguish or compare between women and men, okay. In my opinion, everyone is the same in terms of work, if they are competent. Whether man or woman, if they are good at work, you are good.

Turns out in this office I met someone like that again. Thanks God she is not my direct superior. She is the only female boss among all the men in this office. Popular? I don't think so. She is the type of person who will talk about you behind your back. Anyway, she is the bestie of my boss who likes to gossip while eating kwaci.

One day when she was in a bad mood, she would complain and act as if she hated durian. We bought durian ice cream in the room and didn't invite her. She acted as if she hated the smell of durian and wanted to puke, but we found out that she was just upset because she wasn't invited to buy durian ice cream.

One day she invited me to talk in the bathroom. We had never talked before, and I wasn't interested. She said and advised me, but her choice of words seemed threatening. I was annoyed, of course. Why did she invite me to talk about something so unimportant? Did she want to spread hatred? Since then I have felt disturbed.

After that day, she never smiled, greeted, or chatted with me again. Whatever.

I don't know how she developed herself as a boss and a woman. But clearly she doesn't look like a cool and classy woman. Doesn't look like a career woman who deserves respect. Sorry to say. I just hate her.

I can switch from being nice to number one hater in seconds just because that person messing with my life. Of course, her behavior in the bathroom bothered me. Maybe for her it was just advice and chit-chat, but at least if you speak, look me in the eye!

Woah.

Be a normal. You don't have to be a people pleaser, but at least don't bother others. Freak.

day-25

One of the most comfortable feelings is when I crawl into bed with freshly-laundered sheets. The clean, crisp smell is so refreshing, and I feel so cozy and secure. Even though I don't mind the slightly musty smell of sheets that have been used for a few days, I still try to change them at least once a week.

A good night's sleep is essential for me, and I love dreaming. I don't have to have a dream that's particularly meaningful or exciting, I just enjoy the experience of dreaming. I often write down my dreams in a journal or notes on my phone.

Last night I dreamed of joining a family I didn't know. I was like being adopted and going on a vacation abroad. I was very excited and happy because I could go abroad during the summer. The plane was supposed to leave at 12:45, but at 9:00 am, we were still playing on the beach.

At first I was worried and told my foster mother if it was possible to get ready in a matter of hours while the suitcase and clothes to be brought were not packed at all. But she looked relaxed and then I was told to join the people swimming at the beach.

Everyone was wearing bikinis or swimsuits, but I wasn't prepared and then decided to wear a sports bra and panties. Although I was embarrassed, I finally plunged in and felt the saltiness of the sea water. There were not only me, but also several foster children swimming, playing in the water, or just sunbathing.

Then I met two women. They looked drunk and a little tipsy. Maybe they were drunk. There was eyeliner smudged under their eyes. They laughed and told jokes that made me laugh too. Then one of them said to be prepared because a big wave was coming soon.

Sure enough, a few moments later the long-awaited big wave came. We were rolled by the waves but we still laughed. Suddenly I felt a pain in my right hand. I thought it might be because there were many shells and coral in the sand on the beach, so that made me hurt. When I looked at the palm of my hand, there was a wire sticking out about 10 cm deep. The wire went into the upper layer of the skin and created a cavity. I grinned and tried not to cry even though it hurt.

After that I woke up because my phone alarm went off. Dang! I didn't get to go on summer vacation!

Dreams like that are the ones I like. Even sometimes I realize if I'm dreaming and enjoy all the flow of it with pleasure.

I have one strange habit. I will dream of taking an exam or going back to high school if tomorrow I will face something big. For example, when I have to be a presenter or something that requires my abilities, more precisely something that makes me nervous and frustrated. And I hate that.

Just imagining going back to school makes me sick. Sometimes I want to go back to school but not with all the exams, lessons, and other academic activities. I like school only because of my friends and the environment. Other than that, I will definitely left the school.

day-24

Have you ever heard the saying, "Less friend, less problem"? It seems that it applies to everything in the world. The less you have, the less problems you have to face. For example, if I only have a little money, then my desire to buy things is not as much as if I am wealthy.

And being in this place with many people and many jobs also creates many problems. I have been assigned to the Seksi Pelayanan twice. First in my old office for two years, and in my new office for three months (although it feels like half a year).

day-23

In all my years at the front desk, never have I made a mistake like lashing out at a client. Slapping them? Throwing a pen? Not even raising my voice is something I do lightly. I've mastered the art of swallowing my pride and keeping my cool, especially on bad days. And let me tell you, being a woman can mean days where frustration simmers just below the surface, ready to boil over for no reason at all.

But today, I witnessed something else entirely. This coworker, no VIP by any stretch, had one simple task: greet the client and figure out why they were here. Instead, she raised her voice, berating the client and drawing everyone's attention (including, of course, her own). "Keep your family drama at home," the client hissed back, rightfully incensed.

We, as customer service reps, can't control how others feel. Our job is to do our best, be professional, and avoid conflict. This woman, however, seems utterly untrained in that art. She lacks any semblance of empathy, not just for customers but even for her colleagues. Does seniority grant her the right to be so insensitive?

She disappeared shortly after the incident, hiding in the back until the afternoon. Then, as if nothing happened, she returned, asking if the client was still there. Honestly, I couldn't care less. Just do your job and stop making excuses. Your personal baggage is your own damn problem.

Later, while cleaning, she launched into a dramatic retelling of the whole fiasco, how she "almost lost it" on the client. "They couldn't hear me," she whined, "so when I raised my voice, they thought I was mad!"

Please. Spare me the self-serving sob story. It's a pathetic attempt to deflect blame and avoid the fallout of your own unprofessional behavior. Face it, you simply lack the basic skills to deal with people. Own up to it and stop digging yourself deeper.

Why I love Sturniolo Triplets?

This is my personal take on this topic. I'm not trying to represent anyone else's views, and I don't want to offend anyone. Love you all. 💜💙

***

I've been binge-watching YouTube channels for days on end, waiting for new videos to drop like a pizza fiend waiting for the next slice. Lately, I've been all about the Sturniolo Triplets.

Each of them feels like a mini-me, even though they're young enough to be my brothers. But age is just a number when it comes to their comedic talent. They keep me laughing and living 😊.

DREAM: Trapped with Lucy: A Hunt for Freedom in a Castle of Lies

I had a pretty lively dream last night, and that's why I woke up late. Basically, when I have a good shit, I must be oversleep.

I dreamed of going on an adventure with Lucy from The Hunger Games. We were trapped in a castle, or more precisely, in a warehouse. We couldn't go anywhere because we were surrounded by soldiers and generals who wanted to attack us. Lucy held up her sword and tried to find a way out. I was also panicking and trying to barricade the door with tables or anything else in the room.

*gambar hanya ilustrasi, Lucy Gray dari pinteres*

Actually, behind us there was a wall leading to the forest or outside, but it was made of concrete and covered with wood. Suddenly, I heard a voice. A very faint but clear voice. I followed the voice and found a young boy whose body was bent and "planted" in the wall.

"I can get you out of here, but you have to help me too," he said.

Lucy and I immediately helped the boy out of the wall without thinking twice. His body was disoriented from being bent for so long, and I had to carry him. "Hit that part of the wall and you'll find a way out," he said.

Sure enough! The part of the wall he pointed to was indeed very soft and easy to break through. Lucy and I struggled to crawl out of there, of course I pulled the boy out and took him with us.

After a while, the boy's body had returned to normal and he could walk normally. Then he told us who he was and who his family and parents were. He was the son of one of the generals who were chasing us. "It's guaranteed that they will be exiled because they failed to catch you."

"How are they now?"

The boy took us to a hut or part of the castle that was not well-maintained, where the maids and servants rested. "They live here now, and their bodies are also strange because they eat black honey."

I peeked inside and found a row of people sleeping soundly. There was a foul smell in the air. He said it was the aroma of poisonous black honey. They had to eat it as punishment for failing to get us.

The boy's father woke up in surprise and gulped down the black honey greedily. Maybe because there was no other food that could satisfy his hunger, so the choice was two: eat black honey or starve to death.

I returned to where Lucy was and told her what I had seen. Then we prepared to continue our journey with the boy.

-the end-