your problemo

I don’t know what my sister did in her past life, but it seems like her fate with friendships is really unfortunate. Every friendship story she tell me sounds toxic and overly dramatic. Whenever I advise her to avoid things like that, strangely, she always reply, “But it’s exciting.” I think there’s something wrong with her way of thinking.

The way she seek friends is entirely different from mine. I would never make promises to someone I’ve just met; in short, I’m always skeptical about people and try not to expect much. So, if the relationship doesn’t turn out the way I hoped, I won’t feel disappointed.

Facu, on the other hand, easily becomes close or makes commitments with strangers. I call them strangers because they’ve only talked for two days. I wouldn’t laugh easily or make content with strangers, but she can. I wouldn’t accept someone’s invitation to eat together just because we’ve met for a few days. To me, eating is something very personal, and it’s a way to observe someone’s character. I don’t want to be judged so casually by a stranger. What’s even more bizarre is that they would go on a mountain hike with some random kid. Personally, I’ve avoided befriending naive kids like that ever since someone stole my candy during my lessons class.

In short, Facu’s friendships are a mess. She hang out with toxic people, guys with a weak mentality, actual pussy, and team up with ampas tai. Listening to her stories makes me dizzy. Why are you like this? Why are you always caught up in conflicts or, at the very least, have your name dragged into them in a bad way?

What are you trying to prove by provoking people with this behavior? It’s obvious that the people in your circle aren’t living meaningful lives. Look at people who actually have a life—they’ve moved on and created their own stories. Meanwhile, the ones clinging to that place are just looking for any opportunity to stir up drama, and that includes you.

I no longer see that place as my old workplace—maybe just a memory. Even the people there, when I meet them outside, I consider strangers. I don’t want to get involved with them anymore or have any contact except for work-related matters. Since I realized I wasn’t important to them, I’ve decided to think the same way. That place is nothing more than an old place that holds some memories and marks a chapter in my career. Nothing more, nothing less.

Unlike me, who avoids conflict and keeps away from irrelevant matters, Facu often gets tangled up in other people’s stories. It’s better to be a spectator than to be the subject of gossip. Seriously, how long are you going to let your name be passed around in their filthy mouths? Disgusting.

day- 277 "Hey Tua Bangka!"

I would say that the departure of my former boss (to another office) taught us a valuable lesson. Appreciate what you have because you never know when that blessing will be taken away by God.

My new boss is an older man, nearing retirement age. He recently recovered from a stroke and insists on working, even though he's no longer fit for the job. Before he arrived, we were warned about his condition, so we were forced to be patient and accept it.

When we first met him, we all felt sorry for him. Sorry because of many things—he’s old but still working, recovering from a stroke, and, well, he's old. But over time, we understood why this old man (we started calling him "TB," short for "Tua Bangka," meaning old geezer) doesn’t deserve any respect at all.

TB has an inflated sense of his ability to work, but the reality is not on his side. He struggles just to walk straight. There are many shortcomings in TB that make him someone to avoid—let me list them: he can't drive himself, he's stingy, perverted, clueless, delusional, forgetful, petty, stupid, smelly, and dresses like someone who's lost it.

We all know something's off with him—his sanity. But TB is completely oblivious and acts as if he can still work and earn a salary that doesn't match his contributions, which is nothing.

At first, everyone sympathized with him, seeing him like their father or grandfather, thinking, "How could you be so harsh to an old man?" Who cares! If it were my own family, I might still be understanding, but for someone else? A stingy, petty old geezer like him? Big no. Now, everyone is starting to agree that TB belongs on the list of cursed people.

Strangely, despite his miserable condition, none of TB’s family comes to visit or take care of him. He’s all alone here, living in a rented house—whether he even pays for it, I don’t know. But one thing is clear: no one wants to deal with TB anymore because he’s so stingy.

What’s more disgusting is that, despite his age, TB still has a certain "need." His desire for worldly pleasures and sexual urges is still there, and he satisfies it by watching explicit films on the office computer. Isn’t that just absurd? Eventually, since he couldn't be reasoned with, my big boss decided to replace his computer with a laptop that doesn’t connect to the office internet. It’s like giving a kid a toy for entertainment.

Don’t ask, “So, how does he work?”

Of course, he doesn’t. He can't work. We handle all his job logins. If there’s a letter that needs to be sent, we send it ourselves. Honestly, we’re like sheep without a shepherd.

I have zero respect left for TB. I don’t care about anything he does. If he makes small talk and stands around in the back office for hours, disrupting others, I just ignore him. TB often even calls people by the wrong name. Some people still care, but I, quite bluntly, don’t.

Right now, we’re in the process of sending TB to the hospital. Whether he likes it or not, TB needs to get a medical certificate and submit it to HR. That needs to be processed so that HQ knows one of its employees is no longer fit for work. The problem is, we’re a service office, with our main focus being stakeholder service. It’s impossible for us to stick with a boss who’s already incapacitated.

At the very least, if you can’t do the job, have some self-awareness. Your body and mind are not capable of leading, but he refuses to step down. So what now? You want to collect a paycheck for doing nothing for years?

To me, TB isn’t my boss; he’s just an old man hanging around the office. Whether he’s here or not, the world stays the same.

Bye~

tentukan pilihanmu

But this isn’t about Richeese.

This is about you. Idiot.

I think the most exhausting thing is dealing with someone indecisive—someone who doubts their own choices, can’t even decide what they want, and has to ask others for everything, relying on them. The worst part is when someone suggests a choice, they reject it: “I’m not in the mood for fried food.” Ugh, idiot.

I never imagined I'd encounter something like this in front of me. Maybe it’s because I was raised in a strict environment—more specifically, my mom was strict. I wasn’t given the chance to be spoiled, indecisive, or take forever to make a decision. Everything had to be done quickly. Negotiations were allowed, but they had to be quick too. I was taught to make my own decisions.

At first, I was forced into things, but eventually, I learned to say ‘no’ or ‘I don’t want to’ to the decisions my mom made, especially those directly involving me. I started to realize that not everything my parents suggested felt right for me. Not everything my mom gave me was easy to accept. I demanded explanations, and when those explanations didn’t make sense to me, I had no choice but to reject them. I’m sorry, Mom, but now I have my own voice. Even if it made me rebellious at the time.

Sometimes they accepted it, sometimes they got angry. But more often, they accepted it, though there was anger at first. I wasn’t afraid. As my mom used to say, “I was always terrified when your grandma got angry or raised her voice. I wouldn’t dare talk back or respond like you do.” Sorry again, Mom.

In my opinion, it’s no longer relevant for children to fear their parents. I don’t want my future children (if I have any) to be afraid of me. I’d rather they respect me. Speak politely, be brave enough to express their feelings, share their opinions, listen to and follow advice, and love their parents. You don’t need to raise your voice to earn respect from your kids. Loosen up, Mom and Dad.

Not every child has the foundation to make their own decisions, but it can be trained. Everyone can do it, as Yura says. The only thing you can’t do is hug the sun. So start by learning to make decisions, starting with something small, like deciding what to eat for lunch today.

After Effect Menonton Film "Tuhan Izinkan Aku Berdosa"

I feel like I need to write about him before I lose the euphoria of this feeling. Yeah, I’ll start this story with an Instagram live video from Samo's account last night. Normally, I’m not the one who like to watch live videos, but since it was Samo, who I had just seen on the big screen a few days ago, I decided to join.

Like any other social media influencer, Samo greeted his followers on Instagram. He was bored, smoking on a rooftop, and enjoying the Jakarta breeze. When he greeted us, my fingers itched to say something. Something trivial, but something I really wanted to tell him.

“Ditunggu film-film selanjutnya kak,” I wrote.

dear Rajj

I've never wondered as much as I do now. I have a friend who is no longer in this town. He moved to the capital, got married, and probably has a lovely household with his wife. Unfortunately, it seems I can only speculate about what actually happened to him.

Let's call this person Rajj.

Rajj was one of my batchmates who came to this island together and spent a few months living side by side as newcomers. I always thought Rajj was a good person. He had good manners and a pleasant demeanor, never annoying. At least, that's how I saw him until today.

day-125

I'm at a loss for words to describe the whirlwind of events that have transpired this month, especially since my return from holiday. On my first day back at work, I completely forgot to clock in, probably because my body was still adjusting back to the work routine.

To add to my woes, my colleague hadn't returned from his hometown yet, leaving me to handle a full day's workload without a partner. It was exhausting to say the least. And then, out of the blue, “this person” sent a photo of CCTV footage to the group chat with the caption, "Don't let the loket be empty." Dude, I was still on my break. It wasn't my turn to man the loket.

mungkin ini karma

I have never felt so dumb and ridiculous when I met with this person. I used to be indifferent and unconcerned about others' feelings, and now I feel so 'discarded' as a human being. 

Is this karma? 

day-70

My friend called me An evil. And I admit that I was indeed born and formed to be evil. Although I try my best to show the good side of me and not violate the norms, if I follow my heart that always wants to do evil. I am evil and I admit it.

day-65

oh boy, it's been a while since I shared a story about my workplace drama. I was just waiting for my boss to stir up trouble again, and oh God, did the universe answer my prayers swiftly. 😑

I absolutely hate receiving instructions in a piecemeal fashion. It's so disorganized and inefficient, leading to lengthy delays and multiple rounds of revisions. If he would just give clear, complete, and sequential instructions, the revision process wouldn't have to be so tedious. It could be done in just one or two rounds, and the task would be completed.

But this crazy person, I don't even know if he's stupid or what, always comes out of nowhere with new tasks or assignments. He skips the pleasantries and dives straight into the topic or second stage without explaining the first. I have to stop and figure out what he's actually trying to say. Does he think I can read his minds?

When I told my friend about it, she said that's just how he behave. 🤮

Seriously? Every task has to be like this? Has he never received leadership training or learned how to communicate with his subordinates? Does he not know how to give instructions?

I'm so exhausted.

Ilustrasi bagaimana aku terdiam sebelum menanggapi pesan dari beliau

I've had to deal with annoying bosses so many times in my career. I try not to take him personally. I try to think of him like a fart. But his constant presence is still disruptive.

Thank you, God, for giving me a job so that I can support myself and feed my cats. But most importantly, please keep me away from crazy and brainless boss.

Aamiin. 🌟🌟🌟

good bye grandma

05 March 2024

This morning, my grandma passed away.

I don't know how to react, considering this is something I've wished for. I mean, look at my post a few weeks ago when I talked about the core of the problem in my family. And now that "problem" is gone, gone forever.

This morning, my grandma passed away.

I read the message in the WhatsApp group that my mom sent. The message announced the news of her passing and was quite long, complete with the time of death and funeral arrangements. After that, I immediately called my mom. I knew she must be busy handling everything.

My mom answered the phone and thanked me for calling. I didn't know what to say, so I just said, "Innalillahi wa Innailahi Rojiun." Then she said, "Pray for your grandmother so that her grave will be spacious and her sins will be forgiven. You don't have to come, you'll be home for Eid anyway." After that, I hung up the phone and fell silent.

This morning, my grandma passed away.

This is the first death in my family. So maybe I have lack of experience in all sorts of things. What should I do, how should I react, and I don't even feel heartbroken. Not yet. Maybe because I'm far away and didn't see the situation at home directly. As the eldest child, I have to be prepared, because someday this will happen and I will be the one who is relied on.

This morning, my grandma passed away.

My grandma lived in this world for eighty-three years. She experienced the aftermath of Indonesian independence, the riots of 1998, and other historical events in this country. My grandma experienced the leadership of all seven presidents who have served in this country. She had the bitterness and sweetness of life and now she leaves the world peacefully.

This morning, my grandma passed away peacefully. She leaves us who loved her dearly. We have all accepted her passing with ikhlas. May her soul journey peacefully to meet God and may all her affairs be made easy. Aamiin.

I’m confused. I’m not sad, but my eyes hurt so bad. 

day-61

(Gambar hanya ilustrasi)

After waking up for solat subuh and going back to sleep for a few minutes, I had a dream. It was a rather scary dream that gave me goosebumps. In my dream, I was alone at Rumah Sawi. I don't know where Facu and Tataw, but they clearly left me with the cats.

At 5:30 AM, I woke up and went to the bathroom. The layout of the bathroom and kitchen in the dream was slightly different from the actual layout, but I ignored it. I went to the bathroom and saw someone lying sprawled in blood. I panicked and immediately remembered the serial killer who liked to occupy empty houses. I was afraid if he was still in the house, and clearly he was still there.

day-60: dear mom

All mothers are the same. They have strong instincts and intuitions about their kid. But I often ask myself in silence, does my mother care about me? Can she accept my peculiar mindset? Why isn't she open-minded like others? Why is she still so old-fashioned and conservative? How long do I have to keep my feelings hidden from my own mother?

#mythought Nick's Podcast on Zach Sang Show

One of my dream is to travel and explore the world. I'm particularly drawn to places that I find fascinating, and I honestly dream of visiting Hawaii, Los Angeles, or even Iceland. I'm tired of living in Indonesia and I crave experiencing different cultures. However, I'm also afraid of being in new places, I don't particularly like strange things, and I have a fear of being kidnapped. 😁

I aspire to have a courageous spirit and a progressive mindset. I don't know if it's too late or not, but I (honestly) yearn to possess these qualities. One of the people I admire is Nick Sturniolo. I recently listened to his podcast on the Zack Sang Show. While there are many inspiring podcasts out there, the most recent one I listened to was Nick Sturniolo's.

Have you ever listened to a podcast so intently that you felt like you were attending a seminar? That's what happened to me. I was so engrossed in the podcast. Like many podcasts, they talked about a variety of topics, but the topics on the Zach Sang Show usually focus on the guest. It's more like an interview.

day-51

Last night, Tata, Facu, and I had dinner at Rajawali's Kedai. We planned to just eat and go back home, but I knew that was impossible because we would definitely end up chatting. Somehow, our conversation that night drifted to our school days. Then, suddenly, I remembered my embarrassing experience in high school.

When I said that high school was a dark time for me, I wasn't lying. Let me tell you. And it's so ridiculous that make me wanna throw up.

In high school, I was a loner. I had trouble socializing and making friends with new people. I considered everyone to be strangers and disgusting, but I actually needed friends. By the third week of the year, when people were already starting to study and do assignments, I was still trying to figure out my identity and the ease of this school.

If I said I was a little ‘mentally disturbed’ in high school phase, I wouldn't be lying. There was a time when I went to school wearing a bandage over my eye, wrapping my hand in cloth, and making fake blood out of ink and condensed milk just to get attention from people. I don't want to go into details, but my sister remembers it too.

Now we laugh, but when I remember that episode of my life, I can only smile bitterly and feel ashamed of myself. Why did I do that? It's ridiculous. Did people know that I was just looking for attention? Did they know that I was pretending? Did anyone have a stupid train of thought like me?

Then we agreed that I was probably possessed by a demon or in a concerning state at that time.

Thank God I'm (slightly) normal now and not doing crazy shit again.

Sturniolo Triplets 6M !

My days have become exciting because of something I look forward to every day: new content from Nick, Matt, and Chris on the Sturniolo Triplets YouTube channel. I feel incredibly happy even though I'm just watching them from my gadget screen. 😲

I've been a part of the Sturniolo Triplets family since late November 2023, and today I witnessed them reach 6 million subscribers 😉. I'm proud to be one of them. Honestly, I'm so excited for them.

perkembangan dari tahun ke tahun

Even though I joined the fandom a while ago, I'm not really interested in interacting with other Sturniolo Family members. I prefer to stand on my own and be independent in watching their content. After all, no matter where you go or what fandom you follow, there will always be drama. I'm tired of drama, and I watch the Sturniolo Triplets for entertainment only. Fandom? Not really my thing.

Besides watching their content, I also comment on fan accounts on Twitter and Instagram. There are more fans on TikTok, but I’m not that active on TikTok. I don't really like the app. I can count the number of times I've been on TikTok, maybe once a week to scroll through my FYP.

day-47

Guess what, I think my boss knew that I hate him. And think I don’t care! 😒

Everyone is free to express themselves and voice their thoughts rather than going crazy and showing up at his desk with a knife. Maybe I hate the person, but that does not make me unprofessional. I will continue to perform my duties well and responsibly. I'm paid to work, so I won't do it half-heartedly.

But sometimes I wonder what makes people know and realize that I don't like them. Is my facial expression too obvious? Do I look disgusted when talking to them? 😈

day-45

Ugh, finally, I've become a voter. It took until H-5 to sort out the moving process before I could vote near my place. I distinctly remember how, at the beginning of the year, I was so fed up that I almost decided to golput (abstain), but eventually, I use my right to vote. Five years ago, I also cast my vote in this city, but only for the president. And this time around, it was the same; I voted solely for the president. ✋

I arrived at the TPS around 11:30, well past the scheduled time for moving voters, so naturally, I thought it wouldn't be crowded. But to my surprise, it was quite the opposite. I only managed to cast my vote at 13:00 and had to wait for about an hour and a half, witnessing the foolishness of the people around me.

day-43

I hate fat people. For me, being fat is the easiest way to torture yourself. Ironically, I'm also overweight, obese actually 😐. And in my opinion, obesity is a disease that needs to be addressed immediately because starting with obesity, other diseases will follow you, including chronic diseases that cause death. It can be concluded that obesity can kill you.

Why am I suddenly talking about this? Because yesterday I just got a client who was obese. I even worried whether the client's chair would fit or not. As I was working on my task and he sat waiting in front of me, I heard a breath that sounded like air being blown through a pipe. I was startled and tried to find the source of the sound, only to be shocked by him struggling to breathe.

day-41: throw back

I don't know why I'm writing this; perhaps this syid will only remain a draft or will never be posted. But, for some reason, people might read it. This isn't some top-secret or taboo stuff that shouldn't be seen by others, but I also want to share with the world. I know this writing isn't that important; people can ignore it just like how you ignore me in daily life.

Misfortune and bad luck can happen to anyone – to me, to you, or to our loved ones. It's a shame if such misfortune befalls a friend or a loved one; we surely feel hurt and sad. I've spent the past few days with a mind that won't stop thinking. My body is exhausted, but my mind refuses to be still. Uninvited voices and opinions keep emerging in my subconscious and manage to enter my dreams. Even the Sturniolo Triplets couldn't make it into my dream world, bro. Huh.

I'm trying to stop the madness that has been happening these past few days. I distract myself with activities I find enjoyable and shift conversations to more pleasant topics. I am a thinker and not easily forget an event. Moments of joy or sadness, everything is vividly etched in my mind. That's why sometimes I fear losing those memories and write them down in a book, or struggle to forget the bad things. What a problematic person I am.

I won't tell the details because I don't have the right to do so. I'll only express my feelings, what I'm experiencing right now. It's all mixed up. My mind says this, but my heart keeps denying it, as if this is a struggle of the soul unsure of who will win – anjay.

But if I were in her position, I'm a hundred percent sure I wouldn't be able to sleep, wouldn't have an appetite, and wouldn't be focused at work. Forget that I am an employee who has a 9-5 job, goes to the office, and serves everyone. Working like that is already exhausting, let alone adding problems that should never have existed in the first place. I would be 100% burnt out, take a leave, avoid meeting people, and maybe I don't know... worst case scenario.

I'm confident that we are all strong and can face all of this, even if it means shedding tears first. Perhaps others think I'm okay, 'Hey, why are you so normal? Aren't you worried?' I'M PANICKING, MOTHERFUCKER, BUT STILL CALM BECAUSE DEEP DOWN, I BELIEVE EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE, AKA ALL IS WELL. But I'm not.

I don't know how many pages I've written to Bill, but one thing is clear – if Bill really reads it, he must have already sighed, sought forgiveness, or resigned from being my imaginary friend. Well, he said he's resigning.

There's no perfect crime.

 

day-39

I am lucky enough to be able to easily access the internet these days. I use my home Wi-Fi to surf the internet, entertainment, news, and the latest trends in the touch of a finger. Imagine if I had to go to an internet café in 2015 to get all that. 

My family wasn't the kind of people who needed the internet. We were just a simple family who followed the flow of society and didn't care about life outside of that. For my parents, social life and direct human interaction were the most important things. They hated it when they saw me listening to music on my MP3 player, watching K-pop videos on my laptop, or even spending time reading novels. They thought it was a waste of time and useless. At least that's what I thought.