dear Rajj

I've never wondered as much as I do now. I have a friend who is no longer in this town. He moved to the capital, got married, and probably has a lovely household with his wife. Unfortunately, it seems I can only speculate about what actually happened to him.

Let's call this person Rajj.

Rajj was one of my batchmates who came to this island together and spent a few months living side by side as newcomers. I always thought Rajj was a good person. He had good manners and a pleasant demeanor, never annoying. At least, that's how I saw him until today.

His kindness was often misunderstood by others, and it sometimes brought him into troubles. Rajj often confided in me about his work frustrations, and sometimes he would come to my cubicle just to escape the unreasonable demands at work. I let him. I considered him just one of my regular friends, nothing special. All the boys in my batch were just friends to me, and none of them interested me romantically.

However, over time, he started acting annoying or even overly concerned about me. He often did things that a "regular friend" wouldn't do. Then, I heard a rumor that Rajj and I were in a relationship. Instantly, I felt uncomfortable and disturbed by it. What nonsense. Did people think I was an easy woman who could be sold with gossip and cheap talk?

I worried this rumor would close off possibilities if someone genuinely interested in me appeared but had to compete with Rajj. Ugh. 💨💨

When he moved away and his wedding invitation arrived at my office, I was happy for him and sent my congratulations to Rajj. Tata did the same through WhatsApp. But neither of us received a reply.

“Did he disappear, Sal?”

I don't know. You tell me.

Rajj claimed not to have social media. No Facebook or Instagram. To some, this made him seem like a pious, kind-hearted person. A one-of-a-kind man who didn't play on social media. No narcissism or materialism. Not until you saw his topless photo on the office shared doc. For someone who 'supposedly' had a humble and non-narcissistic spirit, Rajj once took a mirror selfie in his room, topless and flexing his arm, which completely turned me off. 😟

Honestly, I would never believe if someone said they didn’t have social media. Unless you're Cillian Murphy. An actor of his caliber, I could believe because he probably lives in the real world, not in the virtual one craving recognition and validation. He lives in a world more meaningful than those trapped in the blink and notification of a screen.

I'm sure Rajj has social media accounts. Maybe under his favorite anime character’s name or an alias. I don't care, but if he says he doesn't have any, I know that’s bullshit.

What’s even more amusing is how many people fell victim to his kindness. Several women who got entangled would probably laugh bitterly if I revealed this fact. Rajj had a sweet mouth, good acts of service, and a strong will to ensnare his 'victims'. Just look at Facu, who admitted to being confused by Rajj’s behavior, picking her up and dropping her off at the office, even though Rajj was supposed to be working from home. Rajj had the determination and willingness to make someone feel 'served' and appreciated.

One more template move Rajj used on his 'collection' was maintaining communication through meme war. We all know memes are great for breaking the ice. But Rajj used memes as a template for many women. Do I need to expose this? Of course not. It's not important.

Did I feel enchanted? A little. I wondered why this person would suddenly comment on my story with a meme on a quiet night. Sometimes he’d send pictures of cats because he knew I liked them. But from those messages, I could feel the dry text. Messages with no meaning, empty. Some bullshit 💀

I don't know why Rajj seems to have disappeared from the face of the earth. He’s unreachable, yet as far as I know, he hasn't changed his number. How hard is it to read and reply to our messages with a simple “thank you”? We contributed, even though we didn’t attend in person. Rajj should still consider us, his friends, as part of his life. Not deliberately ignoring us and treating us as if we were dead. Or is he the one who’s dead? 👿

There are many types of men in this world that can be friends. Some make me uncomfortable, grossed out, and I only deal with them as necessary. Some make me feel comfortable, unthreatened, and don’t have crude humor. At least when talking to others, they respect me by not making dirty jokes. Unlike someone else, not Rajj, but his friend.

As a good friend, I always wish him well, wherever he is. Hopefully, one day if we meet again, he still remembers us. Or if we meet again, don’t expect our relationship to be all good. 

God Bless You. 😇