day-43

I hate fat people. For me, being fat is the easiest way to torture yourself. Ironically, I'm also overweight, obese actually 😐. And in my opinion, obesity is a disease that needs to be addressed immediately because starting with obesity, other diseases will follow you, including chronic diseases that cause death. It can be concluded that obesity can kill you.

Why am I suddenly talking about this? Because yesterday I just got a client who was obese. I even worried whether the client's chair would fit or not. As I was working on my task and he sat waiting in front of me, I heard a breath that sounded like air being blown through a pipe. I was startled and tried to find the source of the sound, only to be shocked by him struggling to breathe.

I know perhaps it's because of being overweight that he's having trouble breathing; I also often experience that when I took the stairs. After he finished, he returned to the waiting chair, and as he walked, I suddenly felt sorry. Is this what my mom feels when she sees me?

In reality, fat people won't feel fat. I didn't worry when my weight kept increasing because I felt fine and quite active. I only realized it when none of my clothes fit anymore, my chest size increased, and my knees hurt. And when I realized it, it was already too late 😢.

Getting back in shape requires consistency and a strong desire. Just like me at the end of 2018. While with the current situation and busy routines, I have no thoughts or desires to do so. I still do zumba although I often miss classes, but at least I move my body once a week. As for food, sleep, and staying up late are my coping mechanisms that I do when under pressure. One of them is work pressure. Fuck you!

I feel chaotic and damaged like this since I started working for real. Before, I still laughed and did the work as I pleased because there were seniors who handled all the work. But now I am that senior. Damn, time flies.

Deep down in my heart, I don't want to become obese to the point where I struggle to do daily activities, so when I see videos of obese people, I'll overthink and sad. I also don't want to get silent killer diseases. Those are all mostly either due to genetics or obesity. And most importantly, fat people smell bad. They have their own scent, and I can assure you that it's the scent of overweight people, gross.

I hope slowly but sure I can change my lifestyle to be much healthier. I don't want to die foolishly, and my grave should not be dug wider than normal just because I'm obese. I don't want people who find me dead later to see this large body of mine and talk about my cellulite. I don't want the people who escort me to the grave to comment on how heavy this body is. 

Damn, fuck people. Who cares? 😤

But yeah, that's one of the reasons and motivations I think about. Silly but true.

See you in the next post!

Bye! 💖💖💖