tentukan pilihanmu

But this isn’t about Richeese.

This is about you. Idiot.

I think the most exhausting thing is dealing with someone indecisive—someone who doubts their own choices, can’t even decide what they want, and has to ask others for everything, relying on them. The worst part is when someone suggests a choice, they reject it: “I’m not in the mood for fried food.” Ugh, idiot.

I never imagined I'd encounter something like this in front of me. Maybe it’s because I was raised in a strict environment—more specifically, my mom was strict. I wasn’t given the chance to be spoiled, indecisive, or take forever to make a decision. Everything had to be done quickly. Negotiations were allowed, but they had to be quick too. I was taught to make my own decisions.

At first, I was forced into things, but eventually, I learned to say ‘no’ or ‘I don’t want to’ to the decisions my mom made, especially those directly involving me. I started to realize that not everything my parents suggested felt right for me. Not everything my mom gave me was easy to accept. I demanded explanations, and when those explanations didn’t make sense to me, I had no choice but to reject them. I’m sorry, Mom, but now I have my own voice. Even if it made me rebellious at the time.

Sometimes they accepted it, sometimes they got angry. But more often, they accepted it, though there was anger at first. I wasn’t afraid. As my mom used to say, “I was always terrified when your grandma got angry or raised her voice. I wouldn’t dare talk back or respond like you do.” Sorry again, Mom.

In my opinion, it’s no longer relevant for children to fear their parents. I don’t want my future children (if I have any) to be afraid of me. I’d rather they respect me. Speak politely, be brave enough to express their feelings, share their opinions, listen to and follow advice, and love their parents. You don’t need to raise your voice to earn respect from your kids. Loosen up, Mom and Dad.

Not every child has the foundation to make their own decisions, but it can be trained. Everyone can do it, as Yura says. The only thing you can’t do is hug the sun. So start by learning to make decisions, starting with something small, like deciding what to eat for lunch today.

After Effect Menonton Film "Tuhan Izinkan Aku Berdosa"

I feel like I need to write about him before I lose the euphoria of this feeling. Yeah, I’ll start this story with an Instagram live video from Samo's account last night. Normally, I’m not the one who like to watch live videos, but since it was Samo, who I had just seen on the big screen a few days ago, I decided to join.

Like any other social media influencer, Samo greeted his followers on Instagram. He was bored, smoking on a rooftop, and enjoying the Jakarta breeze. When he greeted us, my fingers itched to say something. Something trivial, but something I really wanted to tell him.

“Ditunggu film-film selanjutnya kak,” I wrote.

dear Rajj

I've never wondered as much as I do now. I have a friend who is no longer in this town. He moved to the capital, got married, and probably has a lovely household with his wife. Unfortunately, it seems I can only speculate about what actually happened to him.

Let's call this person Rajj.

Rajj was one of my batchmates who came to this island together and spent a few months living side by side as newcomers. I always thought Rajj was a good person. He had good manners and a pleasant demeanor, never annoying. At least, that's how I saw him until today.

day-125

I'm at a loss for words to describe the whirlwind of events that have transpired this month, especially since my return from holiday. On my first day back at work, I completely forgot to clock in, probably because my body was still adjusting back to the work routine.

To add to my woes, my colleague hadn't returned from his hometown yet, leaving me to handle a full day's workload without a partner. It was exhausting to say the least. And then, out of the blue, “this person” sent a photo of CCTV footage to the group chat with the caption, "Don't let the loket be empty." Dude, I was still on my break. It wasn't my turn to man the loket.

mungkin ini karma

I have never felt so dumb and ridiculous when I met with this person. I used to be indifferent and unconcerned about others' feelings, and now I feel so 'discarded' as a human being. 

Is this karma? 

day-70

My friend called me An evil. And I admit that I was indeed born and formed to be evil. Although I try my best to show the good side of me and not violate the norms, if I follow my heart that always wants to do evil. I am evil and I admit it.

day-65

oh boy, it's been a while since I shared a story about my workplace drama. I was just waiting for my boss to stir up trouble again, and oh God, did the universe answer my prayers swiftly. 😑

I absolutely hate receiving instructions in a piecemeal fashion. It's so disorganized and inefficient, leading to lengthy delays and multiple rounds of revisions. If he would just give clear, complete, and sequential instructions, the revision process wouldn't have to be so tedious. It could be done in just one or two rounds, and the task would be completed.

But this crazy person, I don't even know if he's stupid or what, always comes out of nowhere with new tasks or assignments. He skips the pleasantries and dives straight into the topic or second stage without explaining the first. I have to stop and figure out what he's actually trying to say. Does he think I can read his minds?

When I told my friend about it, she said that's just how he behave. 🤮

Seriously? Every task has to be like this? Has he never received leadership training or learned how to communicate with his subordinates? Does he not know how to give instructions?

I'm so exhausted.

Ilustrasi bagaimana aku terdiam sebelum menanggapi pesan dari beliau

I've had to deal with annoying bosses so many times in my career. I try not to take him personally. I try to think of him like a fart. But his constant presence is still disruptive.

Thank you, God, for giving me a job so that I can support myself and feed my cats. But most importantly, please keep me away from crazy and brainless boss.

Aamiin. 🌟🌟🌟

good bye grandma

05 March 2024

This morning, my grandma passed away.

I don't know how to react, considering this is something I've wished for. I mean, look at my post a few weeks ago when I talked about the core of the problem in my family. And now that "problem" is gone, gone forever.

This morning, my grandma passed away.

I read the message in the WhatsApp group that my mom sent. The message announced the news of her passing and was quite long, complete with the time of death and funeral arrangements. After that, I immediately called my mom. I knew she must be busy handling everything.

My mom answered the phone and thanked me for calling. I didn't know what to say, so I just said, "Innalillahi wa Innailahi Rojiun." Then she said, "Pray for your grandmother so that her grave will be spacious and her sins will be forgiven. You don't have to come, you'll be home for Eid anyway." After that, I hung up the phone and fell silent.

This morning, my grandma passed away.

This is the first death in my family. So maybe I have lack of experience in all sorts of things. What should I do, how should I react, and I don't even feel heartbroken. Not yet. Maybe because I'm far away and didn't see the situation at home directly. As the eldest child, I have to be prepared, because someday this will happen and I will be the one who is relied on.

This morning, my grandma passed away.

My grandma lived in this world for eighty-three years. She experienced the aftermath of Indonesian independence, the riots of 1998, and other historical events in this country. My grandma experienced the leadership of all seven presidents who have served in this country. She had the bitterness and sweetness of life and now she leaves the world peacefully.

This morning, my grandma passed away peacefully. She leaves us who loved her dearly. We have all accepted her passing with ikhlas. May her soul journey peacefully to meet God and may all her affairs be made easy. Aamiin.

I’m confused. I’m not sad, but my eyes hurt so bad. 

day-61

(Gambar hanya ilustrasi)

After waking up for solat subuh and going back to sleep for a few minutes, I had a dream. It was a rather scary dream that gave me goosebumps. In my dream, I was alone at Rumah Sawi. I don't know where Facu and Tataw, but they clearly left me with the cats.

At 5:30 AM, I woke up and went to the bathroom. The layout of the bathroom and kitchen in the dream was slightly different from the actual layout, but I ignored it. I went to the bathroom and saw someone lying sprawled in blood. I panicked and immediately remembered the serial killer who liked to occupy empty houses. I was afraid if he was still in the house, and clearly he was still there.

day-60: dear mom

All mothers are the same. They have strong instincts and intuitions about their kid. But I often ask myself in silence, does my mother care about me? Can she accept my peculiar mindset? Why isn't she open-minded like others? Why is she still so old-fashioned and conservative? How long do I have to keep my feelings hidden from my own mother?

#mythought Nick's Podcast on Zach Sang Show

One of my dream is to travel and explore the world. I'm particularly drawn to places that I find fascinating, and I honestly dream of visiting Hawaii, Los Angeles, or even Iceland. I'm tired of living in Indonesia and I crave experiencing different cultures. However, I'm also afraid of being in new places, I don't particularly like strange things, and I have a fear of being kidnapped. 😁

I aspire to have a courageous spirit and a progressive mindset. I don't know if it's too late or not, but I (honestly) yearn to possess these qualities. One of the people I admire is Nick Sturniolo. I recently listened to his podcast on the Zack Sang Show. While there are many inspiring podcasts out there, the most recent one I listened to was Nick Sturniolo's.

Have you ever listened to a podcast so intently that you felt like you were attending a seminar? That's what happened to me. I was so engrossed in the podcast. Like many podcasts, they talked about a variety of topics, but the topics on the Zach Sang Show usually focus on the guest. It's more like an interview.