you hurt me

Honestly, deep down in my heart, I still can't accept what my friends have done. I used to be a simple person, wanting to express myself, seeking freedom, and inner peace. I couldn't even find that. They judged me, ignored me for a week, and did exactly what I had read in bullying stories.

Deep down in my heart... I felt that it was unfair. I am just like other people who want to express themselves, but they... they are so arrogant and seem to be suppressing me. Even though in the end they did a "good" thing by gathering people from my class, making a group without me, talking about me, etc. My foolish self felt, "Oh, please attack me, please isolate me as much as you want, it won't change anything!"

In the end, I stopped it, but not wholeheartedly. Everything went so awkwardly. Until this very moment, I feel observed, watched, and also feel resentment towards their judgmental behavior. I am still a teenager, I still need a place to express my emotions, to pour out everything that is in my head. Then suddenly people come, judge, ask with disgusting curiosity. Ask more sharply than a journalist's pen.

I am very angry. I want to explode. I want to yank their hair one by one and drag them to the edge of a cliff and push them with all my strength.

Do those people know that I never accepted all of their attitudes?

Do those people know that I have lost my rights?

Can't they understand me? Understand a Salma who is still a teenager, full of turmoil, rebellion, and possessed by the devil. Do they know about the mental illness that I have? Do they know that I once went to the doctor and asked, "Am I crazy, doc?"

It is impossible for me to say that. At that time, "mental illness" was not considered important, even though children of my age had the same problems. I tried to solve it myself. I tried not to hurt myself. But those people, unknowingly, had already hurt me. Hurt me in the deepest part. Destroying me far within.

How can I ask them to be responsible?

School counselor? Bullshit! I have never been able to trust anyone. I have a problem with trusting others. The darkest part of my life... let me know. I don't care about the darkest part of your life either. Don't interfere in other people's affairs, don't interfere in my affairs.